Grieving and Solace in God's Word

My quiet times have been rocky since the beginning of summer when my schedule got all wonky because of work schedules and vacation. I'm determined to make being in the Bible my morning priority and to get it back into the morning routine before I do anything else. This is a post about what Jesus has been doing with my life since Sunday, August 25th.

Before I say anything else I need to recap something else. 3 weeks ago Kaden Isaiah Stone was born to Diana of Hormonal Imbalances blog and her husband, Sam. For an in depth look at who she is and her life you can read this but I'm going to recap her life in a couple sentences here. She was married young to a marine who was deployed for a crazy amount of time twice and who later struggled with PTSD and an alcohol addiction. They had a daughter, Bella, and then they got pregnant with identical twin boys who they lost at 20 weeks. They pursued adoption but it failed on them at the last minute so when she got pregnant and was due in August it was exactly what they needed to soothe them from their losses in the past 10 years. Kaden was born on August 5th and was put in the NICU for some really minor complications. The day before they were to leave the doctors found out that a virus which would normally cause us to get sick for a couple of days had attacked his heart causing his capillaries to fail completely, he couldn't pump any blood without a machine.

And this is where this week starts. On Sunday Diana was with Kaden and Sam was with Bella in El Paso when they were told that Kaden would die in the next day or so. I can't even compute the emotions they would feel because I can't handle my own, and I don't even know them. Hit with this they rallied themselves and others to pray to the Lord for a miracle. Diana writes for She Reads Truth and is a part of The Influence Network so a group of bloggers began spreading the word through instagram and facebook. And this brings it to Sunday.

Sunday Melody from Dance Parties in the Rain created a Google doc to organize a 24 hour prayer vigil for them, you can see it here. I signed up when it had been posted for about an hour and was still pretty empty. I checked it right before I went to bed and it was so full, every 10 minutes for nearly 30 hours. When I woke up I checked it again and was blown away by the sheer amount of names written down to pray for almost 2 days every 10 minutes. I spent time searching God's word for verses of God's power and his comfort and prayed for little Kaden for 20 minutes at a time in the morning I would normally be very, very asleep.

For me prayer has always been a rather formal affair following the ACTS concept I learned in 5th grade. Only in the last month or two had I really started branching out and pleading to God with what my heart was telling me to say rather than following a rigid plan. Monday morning I was crying out to God to save that little boy, the little boy who hadn't had the chance to truly live, the little boy who was a gift to his parents when they needed him most. Throughout the rest of the day I prayed and thought of that family awaiting God's plan in a NICU room in Dallas.

When I got home in the evening and checked instagram I found that God had called little Kaden home to Himself. I don't even know how to express the feelings of grief I felt and that I'm still feeling now, carefully masked so no one notices. This morning I didn't even know what to do except read my Bible and hope for comfort from it. I found Psalm 119:50 which says "This is my comfort in my affliction, That Your word has revived me." The perfect verse to cause me to stop and think of God's goodness and power and to see that God has a plan in this. God is completely sovereign nothing happens that He isn't in control of, even the unthinkable death of Kaden. This morning's devotion from She Reads Truth further preached God's sovereignty in a moment that I desperately needed it.

All of this brought back to mind my own brother's death and the grief I still bear from that and sometimes give in to. I remember my dad saying to me a year after or so that "Andrew was blessed because he got to know God and experience life. I feel worse for those babies that pass away before they can know life." While I consider that to be true there is also a great mercy in being taken away from this earth. She Reads Truth had a great post about how death only causes believers to be weaned of the world and eagerly look forward to the day when death is gone and God reigns over the earth.

This post ended up way more rambly than I was planning but I needed to get this out of my system, to publicly grieve for this family and to rest in God's promises of comfort and hope.

Washington Trip Haul

As I finished posting about Seattle last week I was thinking about what next to post about from our trip. A mini-haul came to mind so embarked to photograph and document each item I purchased while in Washington. During that process I discovered that the auto focus on my lens had broken when my niece head butted my camera thus the photos aren't as sharp as I normally try to make them. Thankfully it was a cheap lens I had bought that is easily replaced.

I'm a book lover, a bookaholic, a book hoarder even. I was only able to bring 2 books with me up to Washington and I quickly read through those prompting me to consider buying more. I discovered that Washington is THE place to buy books, especially used books! This made me over the moon happy and I bought my heart out at 3 different bookstores. The first time I needed books was when we were in the San Juan islands which wasn't the best spot to run out of reading material. Thankfully we were going to Friday Harbor which is a larger ferry port and tourist town so they had an adorable little used bookstore.

Serendipity Books was a jumbled up messy bookstore that smelled like books and was filled with people reading the books and searching for that little treasure. The books were semi organized by genre and of course I went straight to the mystery nook of the store. About 3 years ago, maybe a little less, my dad told me about Agatha Christie books since I loved the BBC shows about them so much. I fell in love with them instantly and I've read almost all of the ones the library has regularly. I bought 4 of them at Serendipity books:

I had read The Secret of Chimneys before and loved it and I was so happy that I now own a copy of it. Maybe sometime I'll do a favorite Agatha Christie/books post. Hmm... Anyway I bought those 4 books and 3 others at Serendipity. I read the Sherlock Holmes books at about the same time as I read Agatha Christie and I was quite pleased to find a copy of some of the stories I hadn't read there. I was planning on getting Les Miserables from the library to bring up to Seattle but didn't want to risk losing it and I'm lazy at renewing books online so I picked it up when I found it at the bookstore. 

The next 3 books I bought at 3 different bookstores. The top book came from Serendipity Books and is the sequel to a book I already own. The middle book I bought at a little used bookstore in Country Village right near my grandma's house. It's the first book in a series I actually finished while I was flying to Seattle and is written by one of my favorite authors, Anthony Horowitz, who also wrote the Alex Rider series, one of my favorites. The bottom book is 4th book in a 7 book series that I bought at Third Place Books and is kind of scifi but not. It's hard to explain but is a really good series that Littie somehow found. 

I suppose I'll continue with what I bought at Third Place Books. Third Place is my absolute favorite bookstore in the whole wide world and I would spend all day there if I could. I always demand that we go there every trip at least once, if not twice. We went there the first time and I bought 2 books, the book above and one of the books below. 

I bought Inkspell the first trip and Inkdeath and the series below on the second trip. Ordinarily we don't go twice but I was gifted graduation money the day before we left at a restaurant in the same shopping center as Third Place Books which was a wonderful coincidence. I of course bought large books that trip which I had to carry onto the plane with me, actually I ended up carrying around 6 books plus my big Bible with me in my carry on. :) 

I did in fact buy other things besides books, although it was a struggle to spend money on something else. ;) My family has always been a Playmobil family starting with my brother. He had boy Playmobil which was passed down to us and to which we added on lots more Playmobil. While the Playmobil now resides in a bin in the garage we still go to the toy store Discover Toys each trip. Discovery Toys is the toy store version of Third Place Books in that it is a wonderful store full of different kinds of toys for all ages. We have always bought our Playmobil here and I plan on buying more of it the next time I go up. I wasn't planning on buying any this time but when I saw that they had a woman with a stroller I had to. I envision her as being a nanny even though the packaging said that she was a mom. Whatever Playmobil. Littie also purchased some Playmobil when I found a swimmer with a block. 

However before I bought any of those things I bought something downtown. I babysit/nanny a little guy who is about 7 months or so and who I missed terribly while I was gone. A day didn't go by where I didn't think of him and so I bought him a Seattle onesie at a tourist store downtown. His mom visited Seattle once and liked it so I figured it was a safe bet to think that she would like the onesie. 

While this next item, or items rather, isn't something I bought I still thought I'd include it. I've played piano for a few years now and really missed playing while I was in Seattle since my grandma doesn't have a piano (she does have a broken organ but it's too awkward with my hands being on 2 different levels for me to play). However my Aunt Becky does and I was able to play at her house once on the trip. No one plays piano anymore besides me so I helped myself to some of the music stashed in the piano bench. The piano book is actually a book I'm borrowing from my piano teacher right now so now I have my own copy to play as much as I want. :) I found some music for a waltz that looked pretty along with Jesu Joy of Man's Desiring which I love playing. The piece de resistance was finding Phantom of the Opera music. I bought a book of Phantom of the Opera music but I accidentally ordered it for the viola, not very helpful for a piano. 

And that's everything I bought and was given in Seattle! Actually that's not true since I bought some flowers downtown to put on my brother's grave. You can see them in this post. I hope you enjoyed it and I'm sure I'll find other things that I did in Washington to blog about! Until next time!

Weekend Links

The Nester,  Ann Voskamp, and A Royal Daughter all do weekend links so I decided to do my own as well. This likely won't be a regular thing but I as I find links I'll collect them for this. Here goes!

A hymn study that goes over the writer and purpose of the song along with worksheets.

The article which prompted me to stay out of the photographers way at the wedding (see this post).

An excellent post about productivity by one of my favorite bloggers (I love her photography!).

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The article that taught me how to only shoot in manual and take great pictures.

The Trip to Remember Part 3

Finally at the last post! Yay! I had no idea taking so many pictures would entail this much time to blog about, I guess I've learned my lesson. :) This post contains pictures from my cousin Betsy's marriage to Andrew and gift opening.

Before this wedding I was so embarrassed to take my camera out at events and take pictures thinking that people would think I'm weird and I would be out of place. Needless to say I don't think that anymore and have come out of my shell when taking pictures. However before the wedding, maybe a day or two before, I read an article linked from a blogger (I can't find it unfortunately) that was written by a wedding photographer to guests of weddings. The short of it was explanations as to why guests need to stay out of the way of the photographer and keep their picture taking to a minimum, or at least out of the photographer's way. I took this to heart and determined to take no pictures in the photographer's way, although I didn't think I'd be taking many pictures anyway. I was able to achieve that goal throughout the night and still got plenty of pictures that I love.

My cousin Betsy and now-cousin Andrew got married at 7 o'clock in the evening at Ray's boathouse which is on Puget Sound. The wedding was outside on the dock part, near the boat launch, and the reception was in the separate venue building.

We arrived about 30 minutes ahead of when the wedding was supposed to start because my grandma was convinced my mom didn't know how to get there and thus we should give ourselves plenty of time. It only took us 45 minutes so we had lots of time on our hands before the wedding started. My mom and grandma were holding hands as they walked up the dock but they stopped once I got my camera low enough to get a picture of it. Figures. 

Aunt Becky, the second oldest in the "original" family.

They had amazing music at the wedding and for part of the reception. They played live music for the wedding aside from the exit song (an ACDC song). 

Littie and our cousin Sarah who is Aunt Becky's second daughter. 

This guy has a story, let me tell you. At the rehearsal dinner this my grandma, who just turned 90 remember, and I were sitting at a table near the drinks area. This man comes up and starts outright flirting with my grandma which was hilarious! My grandma kept calling him a young'un because he's only 86 and hasn't experienced life yet. He was Andrew's family's photographer for years and owns a summer house near theirs. He was always taking pictures with his borrowed little point and shoot. :)

My Aunt Susie, my mom's oldest sister and mother of the bride, putting the corsage on my grandma, the matriarch. 

The actual photographer doing his work. I wish I could have gotten his business name. :(

Flowers to toss at the very end of the wedding. I, sadly, didn't get to throw them because I was unprepared as they walked back down the aisle. 

Uncle Michael, Aunt Becky's husband. He always seems to be making funny faces and is quite the jokester though he doesn't seem like it at all. When Littie and I were littler we used to make him go down to his basement and dig out the lego box for us to play with when we were at his house, which was a lot since he had the legos. 

My Cousin Elaine and her husband Richard with their youngest daughter, M. She is my Aunt Becky's oldest child. 

The wedding part assembling to walk down the aisle. Many of us were trying to figure out how Betsy was going to get to the aisle without Andrew seeing her since it's completely exposed from the reception building. She came out with a massive white umbrella held in front of her that was taken away right before she came down the aisle. I didn't take any pictures during the ceremony as I wanted to enjoy the wedding and thought taking pictures would be distracting. 

The reception was truly fantastic. The decorations were just right, decorative and minimal with just the right balance. Everyone was assigned a table and I was a bit worried who we would be put with. Not to worry because Uncle Mike, Aunt LuAnn, Eric, and Katie were assigned with us to table 9! I'm so glad we were placed with them because we had so much fun joking around spending time with each other. 

Grandma was given a chair to sit on as she waited for pictures. When you're the matriarch of the family you get what you want. 

There was an open bar which was the best thing ever. Shirley Temples for everyone! My mom knew that we wanted them so my cousin Katie, who was one of the first to get to the bar, asked the guy if he makes them and he gave the correct answer, yes. I enjoyed 2 of them throughout the night. This is literally the only time I'll drink soda and one of 2 times I'll drink something fizzy. The wedding provided many chances for bokeh because of all the glassware on the tables which made for one very happy Caroline. 

My cousin Brian, who is the youngest child of Aunt Becky and Uncle Michael, and his lovely wife Erica who I got to talk to quite a lot at my grandma's 90th birthday dinner. 

I managed to get a couple of pictures through the windows without being in the photographers way. I love the way they are looking at each other in this picture, without prompting from the photographer who was getting ready. 

This is Jouan (I spelled that wrong I know. It's pronounced yo-ahn) messing around with his little sister M. 

Grandma has only recently, as in the last couple of years, shown an interest in beer. She won't let anyone near her get a beer without letting her try it first. Because she doesn't drink whole beers she didn't have a cup for it and substituted her wine glass for it. :) 

The next 2 pictures remind me so much of the dog bopping the cat on the head from pinterest. 

Imma bop you on the head. Bop!

I love this kid. He was all over the place and ended up spending most of his time outside running around with his little sister. He was the CUTEST little boy with his suspenders and impish look. 

Nothing quite like a child's joy. 

After eating our heart out on appetizers we (Katie, Littie, and I) decided to go outside and snap some pictures. I found out that I need to learn how to shoot against a bright backdrop like the approaching sunset through this. 

2 years ago when we were on Sucia island we took a bunch of pictures together and they wanted to replicate them this year. Unfortunately they aren't all perfectly in focus. :(

Katie took this because she wanted me in a picture too, which is nice since I don't get my picture taken with my camera unless I use a mirror which is more a picture of the camera then. 

I wanted to share my love of Shirley Temples with my cousin's older girls so 7 year old M and I went to the bar and got a Shirley Temple for both of them. M carried hers back and was very careful not to spill it or drop the heavy glass cup. Both M and Y were both fascinated with the maraschino cherries and found them delicious.  

My cousin Sarah told me I have a certain face when I take pictures, a half smile and concentration, so I tried to capture it. I don't think it worked. 

M was my buddy during our trip. From the first time we went swimming together she latched onto me and followed me everywhere. I loved it and was happy to have someone who liked having her picture taken all the time. I'm not kidding when I say these are maybe a third of what I took of her. I had to slim down the amount of pictures of her by a lot. 

I thought this sunset picture was pretty not knowing the scene to come. 

This is my all time favorite picture of M. She's not looking at the camera, the light softens her face, and there's bokeh in the backround from the restaurant nearby. Perfect. 

I was wanting a picture of the musicians and got a picture of that guy stretching. Lovely. 

Littie hates this picture, let me start with that. I wasn't intending to take this picture and I didn't think I'd keep it but for some reason I like it. My cousin Elaine was asking me about my camera and if it does continuous shooting so I demonstrated by taking approximately 30 pictures of Littie. The lighting was too perfect right then to throw out an interesting picture just because Littie didn't like it. 

The bride and groom make their official entrance to the party (which means that the food is going to come soon, yay!). 

Aunt Becky was savoring the moment with her youngest granddaughter, M. In the background is the food line. That food was so so so good. I had halibut for the first time which was superb and reminded me a lot of the texture of chicken versus the texture of fish. A plus with being related to the bride was that we go to go through line before the other guests. Woohoo!

Betsy making the rounds to greet the guests. 

In Betsy's hand was her beer and cozy which Katie stole from her for a moment to get a picture of. Upon seeing this picture Aunt LuAnn remarked that Katie should be a model for pictures like this. :)

This is Betsy's cousin who I don't know the name of. He gave Betsy a hug as she came to greet him and since I wanted a picture of it I yelled at him to keep hugging at her, which he did. 

Admiring Betsy's ring with his girlfriend nearby. 

Betsy and Andrew were very thoughtful and provided Martinellis for the underage to drink during the toasts. I did try Kate's champagne and deemed it much better than the different wines I've tried. It is at least bearable to drink during toasts rather than occasional sips of wine. 

M and I ventured outside to where Richard and his youngest were playing for a while. It was nice getting to talk to Richard for a little bit as I haven't really seen him much since I was in his own wedding in 2004. 

I took this to show how many glasses we had on our table. At our peak amount we had 35 glasses between the 8 of us. 

This is Andrew, the groom, with my Aunt Susie and his own mom. I love Aunt Susie's face as she laughs at Andrew's joke. 

This was the first time they stuffed cake in each others faces. The photographer and I ran outside to get some pictures of this as it wasn't announced. 

This picture is of the second time they did ate cake. 

Rather than have cake, which neither of them are particularly fond of, they decided to have homemade ice cream sandwiches. Andrew's mom made about 4 different kinds of them with enough for most people to have 2. I had a lemon cookie and strawberry ice cream one. It was scrumptious. 

Bokeh <3

The food was cleared from the dance floor and the fun started. It was difficult to get any pictures of them dancing in the dark light without getting in the photographer's way. 

Father and daughter dance. 

This isn't intended to be a picture of Richard's head but of him and his 2 littlest children observing the dancing. 

\The dancing started at around 10 or so and the Park family had to leave. Elaine danced with her kids for a minute or two so they could experience dancing with the flashing lights. :)

Grandma had so much fun at this wedding, she deemed it the most fun wedding she had ever been to. She was dancing in her chair during the music and had a blast without ever getting up. 

A mother and her son. 

Katie and Littie had just come off of the dance floor when I took this picture. 

Twins and sisters and all of us cousins. 

The wedding took place on Saturday but they also had a Catholic blessing Monday. Before the blessing, which was just for family, they opened up their gifts, something I remember my cousin Elaine and Richard doing way back in 2004 when I was the ringbearer. 

This was a hand painted butter dish that Andrew's 11 year old sister, Emily, made for them. 

Grandma had no idea what to give them so Momma suggested some glassware since my grandma has so much of it. She gave them part of a teal set that they will get the rest of when they move to a different house. 

Momma crocheted them a blanket from a pattern I found online. They both loved it since Andrew loves cozy things and Betsy was wanting something homemade from my mom. 

Grandma attempting to relieve them of some cash. :)

They were gifted a Hawaiian vacation from both of Andrew's parents along with an airfare gift certificate from someone else (it might have been from Andrew's dad and step mom or Betsy's parents). 

They also received a handmade quilt from one of Betsy's relatives which they were very happy about. And clearly grandma was too. 

Aunt Susie and Uncle Chuck live in an amazing condo in what is considered "uptown" Seattle, just a nice walk from downtown Seattle. Since the light is so great there Littie and I went outside to get some pictures. This is Littie's tumblr picture since it has an American Apparel bow on with an H&M dress. 

And that's the end of the pictures I took! I posted almost 500 pictures in 3 blog posts although I could have easily posted double that if I hadn't thinned my pictures down! None of these pictures were edited because I don't have the time to edit 500 pictures even though some of these should have been. Maybe I'll get around to it someday but for now I want to get better at taking the pictures themselves before I get good at editing them to death to make them look better. I'd rather perfect the art before I perfect the editing. :) Until next time!