Too much to truly handle

In the past year or so my eyes were opened to a lot that I didn't know were issues or things to be concerned about. I learned about handmade and small businesses, human traffiking, adoption in the US and outside of it, international and domestic politics, and other "grown up" things I didn't really understand, namely taxes and and how the government uses them. As each problem and issue was brought to light I felt like I needed to become its advocate right then and there which doesn't work very well with so many issues to be passionate about. I've become pretty  passionate about certain topics, abortion and modesty, in recent years but the others are new and exciting and give me lots to think about.

And that's the problem. These topics give me so much to think about that I get overwhelmed and can't handle the topics that I am passionate about. What's going to happen to me and my family with Obamacare? Will we get in a war with Russia and their buddies because of Syria? How am I supporting adoption and other organizations in Africa? What about blogging and small businesses? Buy handmade or buy local? These and so many other thoughts are what go through my head any time I have time to think for a minute.

So I've decided to focus on a few and leave the rest completely up to God. Me being passionate about politics is not necessarily going to change anything and worrying about the government and my taxes is a worry I don't need quite yet. But amid those concerns are some issues I do want to become an advocate for, things I consider important to me and to the general well being of more people.

I will always be passionate about abortion and modesty because those are issues that have become personal in different ways. However I've recently become a big supporter of small businesses, especially handmade businesses. I'll do a post on that at another time but in the meantime I've been spreading word about the small businesses I've found and that do excellent work and profit real people and not CEO's and China. I want to support adoption in Africa but actually adopting isn't an option so I've found other ways. I aim to support those who are adopting from Africa and need help fundraising to bring their little one home as well as supporting Amazima Ministries. I found them through Katie Davis' Kisses from Katie and can't wait to start supporting children's education in Africa. Because of that book I started supporting a little girl named Maria in Columbia who is just about to turn two years old. :)

I can't support everyone and their problems but a few I can advocate I will with all I've got. This life is too short to ignore every organization and problem because of being overwhelmed. I can't wait to see how the Lord is going to use these causes for Him and how He's going to use them to grow me.

Grieving and Solace in God's Word

My quiet times have been rocky since the beginning of summer when my schedule got all wonky because of work schedules and vacation. I'm determined to make being in the Bible my morning priority and to get it back into the morning routine before I do anything else. This is a post about what Jesus has been doing with my life since Sunday, August 25th.

Before I say anything else I need to recap something else. 3 weeks ago Kaden Isaiah Stone was born to Diana of Hormonal Imbalances blog and her husband, Sam. For an in depth look at who she is and her life you can read this but I'm going to recap her life in a couple sentences here. She was married young to a marine who was deployed for a crazy amount of time twice and who later struggled with PTSD and an alcohol addiction. They had a daughter, Bella, and then they got pregnant with identical twin boys who they lost at 20 weeks. They pursued adoption but it failed on them at the last minute so when she got pregnant and was due in August it was exactly what they needed to soothe them from their losses in the past 10 years. Kaden was born on August 5th and was put in the NICU for some really minor complications. The day before they were to leave the doctors found out that a virus which would normally cause us to get sick for a couple of days had attacked his heart causing his capillaries to fail completely, he couldn't pump any blood without a machine.

And this is where this week starts. On Sunday Diana was with Kaden and Sam was with Bella in El Paso when they were told that Kaden would die in the next day or so. I can't even compute the emotions they would feel because I can't handle my own, and I don't even know them. Hit with this they rallied themselves and others to pray to the Lord for a miracle. Diana writes for She Reads Truth and is a part of The Influence Network so a group of bloggers began spreading the word through instagram and facebook. And this brings it to Sunday.

Sunday Melody from Dance Parties in the Rain created a Google doc to organize a 24 hour prayer vigil for them, you can see it here. I signed up when it had been posted for about an hour and was still pretty empty. I checked it right before I went to bed and it was so full, every 10 minutes for nearly 30 hours. When I woke up I checked it again and was blown away by the sheer amount of names written down to pray for almost 2 days every 10 minutes. I spent time searching God's word for verses of God's power and his comfort and prayed for little Kaden for 20 minutes at a time in the morning I would normally be very, very asleep.

For me prayer has always been a rather formal affair following the ACTS concept I learned in 5th grade. Only in the last month or two had I really started branching out and pleading to God with what my heart was telling me to say rather than following a rigid plan. Monday morning I was crying out to God to save that little boy, the little boy who hadn't had the chance to truly live, the little boy who was a gift to his parents when they needed him most. Throughout the rest of the day I prayed and thought of that family awaiting God's plan in a NICU room in Dallas.

When I got home in the evening and checked instagram I found that God had called little Kaden home to Himself. I don't even know how to express the feelings of grief I felt and that I'm still feeling now, carefully masked so no one notices. This morning I didn't even know what to do except read my Bible and hope for comfort from it. I found Psalm 119:50 which says "This is my comfort in my affliction, That Your word has revived me." The perfect verse to cause me to stop and think of God's goodness and power and to see that God has a plan in this. God is completely sovereign nothing happens that He isn't in control of, even the unthinkable death of Kaden. This morning's devotion from She Reads Truth further preached God's sovereignty in a moment that I desperately needed it.

All of this brought back to mind my own brother's death and the grief I still bear from that and sometimes give in to. I remember my dad saying to me a year after or so that "Andrew was blessed because he got to know God and experience life. I feel worse for those babies that pass away before they can know life." While I consider that to be true there is also a great mercy in being taken away from this earth. She Reads Truth had a great post about how death only causes believers to be weaned of the world and eagerly look forward to the day when death is gone and God reigns over the earth.

This post ended up way more rambly than I was planning but I needed to get this out of my system, to publicly grieve for this family and to rest in God's promises of comfort and hope.

Washington Trip Haul

As I finished posting about Seattle last week I was thinking about what next to post about from our trip. A mini-haul came to mind so embarked to photograph and document each item I purchased while in Washington. During that process I discovered that the auto focus on my lens had broken when my niece head butted my camera thus the photos aren't as sharp as I normally try to make them. Thankfully it was a cheap lens I had bought that is easily replaced.

I'm a book lover, a bookaholic, a book hoarder even. I was only able to bring 2 books with me up to Washington and I quickly read through those prompting me to consider buying more. I discovered that Washington is THE place to buy books, especially used books! This made me over the moon happy and I bought my heart out at 3 different bookstores. The first time I needed books was when we were in the San Juan islands which wasn't the best spot to run out of reading material. Thankfully we were going to Friday Harbor which is a larger ferry port and tourist town so they had an adorable little used bookstore.

Serendipity Books was a jumbled up messy bookstore that smelled like books and was filled with people reading the books and searching for that little treasure. The books were semi organized by genre and of course I went straight to the mystery nook of the store. About 3 years ago, maybe a little less, my dad told me about Agatha Christie books since I loved the BBC shows about them so much. I fell in love with them instantly and I've read almost all of the ones the library has regularly. I bought 4 of them at Serendipity books:

I had read The Secret of Chimneys before and loved it and I was so happy that I now own a copy of it. Maybe sometime I'll do a favorite Agatha Christie/books post. Hmm... Anyway I bought those 4 books and 3 others at Serendipity. I read the Sherlock Holmes books at about the same time as I read Agatha Christie and I was quite pleased to find a copy of some of the stories I hadn't read there. I was planning on getting Les Miserables from the library to bring up to Seattle but didn't want to risk losing it and I'm lazy at renewing books online so I picked it up when I found it at the bookstore. 

The next 3 books I bought at 3 different bookstores. The top book came from Serendipity Books and is the sequel to a book I already own. The middle book I bought at a little used bookstore in Country Village right near my grandma's house. It's the first book in a series I actually finished while I was flying to Seattle and is written by one of my favorite authors, Anthony Horowitz, who also wrote the Alex Rider series, one of my favorites. The bottom book is 4th book in a 7 book series that I bought at Third Place Books and is kind of scifi but not. It's hard to explain but is a really good series that Littie somehow found. 

I suppose I'll continue with what I bought at Third Place Books. Third Place is my absolute favorite bookstore in the whole wide world and I would spend all day there if I could. I always demand that we go there every trip at least once, if not twice. We went there the first time and I bought 2 books, the book above and one of the books below. 

I bought Inkspell the first trip and Inkdeath and the series below on the second trip. Ordinarily we don't go twice but I was gifted graduation money the day before we left at a restaurant in the same shopping center as Third Place Books which was a wonderful coincidence. I of course bought large books that trip which I had to carry onto the plane with me, actually I ended up carrying around 6 books plus my big Bible with me in my carry on. :) 

I did in fact buy other things besides books, although it was a struggle to spend money on something else. ;) My family has always been a Playmobil family starting with my brother. He had boy Playmobil which was passed down to us and to which we added on lots more Playmobil. While the Playmobil now resides in a bin in the garage we still go to the toy store Discover Toys each trip. Discovery Toys is the toy store version of Third Place Books in that it is a wonderful store full of different kinds of toys for all ages. We have always bought our Playmobil here and I plan on buying more of it the next time I go up. I wasn't planning on buying any this time but when I saw that they had a woman with a stroller I had to. I envision her as being a nanny even though the packaging said that she was a mom. Whatever Playmobil. Littie also purchased some Playmobil when I found a swimmer with a block. 

However before I bought any of those things I bought something downtown. I babysit/nanny a little guy who is about 7 months or so and who I missed terribly while I was gone. A day didn't go by where I didn't think of him and so I bought him a Seattle onesie at a tourist store downtown. His mom visited Seattle once and liked it so I figured it was a safe bet to think that she would like the onesie. 

While this next item, or items rather, isn't something I bought I still thought I'd include it. I've played piano for a few years now and really missed playing while I was in Seattle since my grandma doesn't have a piano (she does have a broken organ but it's too awkward with my hands being on 2 different levels for me to play). However my Aunt Becky does and I was able to play at her house once on the trip. No one plays piano anymore besides me so I helped myself to some of the music stashed in the piano bench. The piano book is actually a book I'm borrowing from my piano teacher right now so now I have my own copy to play as much as I want. :) I found some music for a waltz that looked pretty along with Jesu Joy of Man's Desiring which I love playing. The piece de resistance was finding Phantom of the Opera music. I bought a book of Phantom of the Opera music but I accidentally ordered it for the viola, not very helpful for a piano. 

And that's everything I bought and was given in Seattle! Actually that's not true since I bought some flowers downtown to put on my brother's grave. You can see them in this post. I hope you enjoyed it and I'm sure I'll find other things that I did in Washington to blog about! Until next time!